In wedding planning, you don’t know what you don’t know until it’s too late. And picking your wedding party is one of those areas.
There are lots of personalities and feelings involved when it comes to asking, or accepting, being part of a wedding party. Here are six things to considering before picking your wedding party.
#1 – Take Your Time
Asking someone to be part of your wedding party is not one of those spur-of-the-moment decisions. You’ll need to invest a lot of time and thought into who you are going to ask. Make a list, and look at the pros and cons of asking each of the people on the list.
#2 – How Big Is Too Big
One of the initial decisions for most people is how big of a wedding party do you want? But, unfortunately, too many times, we’ve seen wedding parties where there are as many people in the wedding party as there are wedding guests.
Sometimes wedding parties keep growing to keep from having hurt feelings. Old school rules included all of your siblings, cousins, and pretty much every friend who asked you to be in their wedding. And, know that you don’t have an even number of members on each side of the aisle.
You might want to find other roles in the wedding for some of these people. There are options to include some of these people in other areas. Things like sharing a reading or special music during your wedding ceremony are great options.
#3 – Ride or Die
Choosing the posse for your wedding day, you might want to select family members who are close to you. But, it’s also oaky have some very close friends to fill those roles in your wedding party.
Sometimes it’s a good idea to take a look at your relationships and see who you think will still be in your life in 5, 10, or even 15 years.
#4 Be A Rule Breaker
Beyond the decision to include, or not include, family members, there are other rules to consider. For example, we’ve seen brides who include their brothers in their wedding party, or grooms including sisters. In addition, including “Honor Attendants” has grown in popularity, not only with family but also with close friends of the opposite sex.
From including a parent or adult child in your wedding party, the options are endless. In general, rules around weddings are changing, and this is just one of the areas.
And, keep in mind, just because a sibling has cute little kids doesn’t mean they have to be included in your wedding party. That is a very personal decision for the two of you.
#5 – Share Your Expectations
Too many people think they just need to show up on the wedding day. But, if you’ve ever been in a wedding party, you know there is so much more to supporting the couple.
So, be honest about your expectations; when you start making your list look at how much assistance you might need and how responsible the people you are considering might be. For example, if you live out of town, you might need some extra help.
Look for reliable people and be sure when you ask them to be in your wedding party you are honest about your expectations.
As hard as it is to say, it would help if you also were mindful of people’s budgets. Beyond the wedding attire, being in a wedding party could involve an engagement, shower, and wedding gift. It might also include contributing to bachelor/bachelorette parties and flying in from out of town if they don’t live in the same city as your wedding. It might be a financial burden on some friends. You might want to consider another important role in your wedding day.
Part of communicating expectations means that you also have to be okay when someone says no, which leads us to our last tip.
#6 – Do What’s Best For You
In the end, you have to do what’s right for the two of you. It’s nearly impossible not to plan a wedding without a few bumps and bruises when it comes to family, friends, personality, and feelings. The key is to put a lot of thought into your decisions and be okay with them in the end.
A professional wedding planner is always part planner, part therapist. We’re always there to walk you through decisions that work for you and keep your planning on track. Our L Prestigious Events team looks forward to working with you on your upcoming New York Metro wedding!